God uses images and music to get my attention. When something sticks in my brain, I know I’m supposed to pay attention, like when I was in shivasana in yoga and clearly saw in my mind’s eye two big football players blocking a doorway, and me with no way to get past them. Those guys have been with me my whole life, because they are me. Pride and ego. And, finally recognizing them as the untenable obstacle they are, I called out for help about how to fight, wrestle, and finally tackle them in order to move on towards what was past that door. I knew whatever was back there had to be something awesome.
I’m no football player, and it seemed impossible, but since God is all about impossible things, I thought I would check with Him. He tells me in Scripture and music and in lots of people I know that humility is the way to be, but anyone who knows me probably would not put that on a list of my attributes. I get offended and cranky and scared, and I compare myself to other people way too much. I care about what people think more than I should and I eat up praise like it’s ice cream. I’m in process, I know, but even I am getting tired of this same old thing. I needed to move forward, but how?
In prayer, God gave me a new image, and here’s where it gets weird. There were those guys again, but this time we weren’t in a small room with a small doorway, but on a wide expanse of beach, and it was like He was telling me,
When your perspective is wider, those guys aren’t so tough to get past. Just quietly walk around them. We both have enough experience to know they are immovable, so it will be easier than you think.
So there they were standing on the water’s edge, and I was on the sand. I knew that to get to the deeper water I was seeking, I needed to move past them, and thought maybe it’s not as hard as it looks. Here’s where it gets even weirder. I felt God telling me that the water is where I need to be and that walking on the water is possible so long as we’re together. He was calling to me, saying that I can accomplish great things out there, and He wasn’t alone. The water, this place of possibility and wonder, is where my mother lives. Anyway, that’s what I heard her saying and by now you definitely think I’m crazy but there she was, asking me to look to the horizon and leap. Or quietly step. Or whatever. And God help me, I did.
So, on the heels of these weird images, what will happen in my real life? Will I magically care less what people think of me, or will I get less crushed by perceived injustices or criticism? Will I finally stop comparing my path and life to those of others? Who knows, maybe I will run back time and again to the sand, but at least now I know that walking on water is possible, and it’s where all of the good stuff really gets started. It just takes a few quiet steps and for now that knowledge is enough. And who knows, maybe one day, I’ll fly.